I was young, going through baby drama. I felt helpless. I was the stereotypical "single mother" with a child out of "wedlock". My mother and grandparents are strong Catholics. Well, my mother attests to being a Catholic, but I have not seen her practice Catholism in many many years. Anyways, my husband was essentially my knight in shinning armor that every little girl dreams of marrying. He helped pick me up and find my direction. Though, lets back up a bit.
During this time however, I was secretly crushing on him. I had been for years, but never had the courage to confront him. Why? Well, because he was married, and I am not a "home wrecker". However, I am a believer in soul mates. I believe there is one person in this world for everyone. You just have to have patience and confidence in yourself.
My confidence was, I had a great job, I was providing for myself and my child. I was doing all of this on my own. Everything I was told I would never be able to accomplish, I was. I felt as though I was on top of the world.
My husband and I clicked when he helped me through the drama with my ex. I never in a million years would have ever thought this man I secretly had a crush on, who was successful, would ever be crushing back. Boy was I wrong!
The successful man I saw on the outside, was emotionally battered on the inside. He was hurting he was emotionally and psychologically abused. It still and always will be shocking to me. I have always pictured men to be strong and incapable of being put down. Come to find out men hurt just as much as women hurt. Many can give the appearance of "nothing is wrong." When in-fact their whole world is nothing but chaos.
The night he was honest with me, was a night I will never forget. He told me he had been interested in me for awhile, but like I had said previously he was a lawfully married and a morally committed man. This was one of the first times I have ever seen a grown man cry. He was scared. Scared of who you may ask? Yes, scared of his wife.
Our friendship instantly took a turn. I immediately set the roadblock for "I am not a mistress" and "I will not date a married man". He understood. Though, I felt I needed to help him. He was indeed a friend of mine. I could see he was lost and needed someone to listen and just tell him he is worth a damn. I am not going to tell his story of how he met his wife or the circumstances behind why he married her, or even why he chose to have children with her. All of that is irrelevant to my beginning.
However, I could see he was trapped. I could see why he did what he did. I understand this because I felt the same way with my previous relationship. I was put down and told repeatedly I wasn't good enough. I was scared I was going to be beaten, my child would be taken away from me, or worse wide up dead. I was terrified of this person. That person had control over me. He had control over me for many years after.
For my husband, he was scared to leave because he was fearful he would lose his children. He was scared he would lose his career. Most importantly he was scared what she was capable of doing. Which, she has shown many times since then what exactly she is capable of doing or have others do on her behalf.
Moving forward, my mother referred him an attorney. We both told him he needed to make this decision without outside influences. He knew he was in an unhealthy relationship, he knew. All he needed was the certification that he was not crazy or alone. At this point I had become his support, his rock, his go-to person to vent. He spoke with an attorney and after about a week, he made the final decision to file for divorce.
I want to make it known he had already moved out prior to this decision. He had already discussed with her he was through with the relationship and he deserved to be treated better. Within a day, he received paperwork from his now ex-wife. How dare he leave her! She just had to file first. This began the never ending court battle. The never ending string of untruths, which all (of course) began with me. *rolling eyes*
This is where our beginning starts. This is were the most evil of all evils show their true colors. Divorces are nasty, some are quite peaceful.Yet those spouses who have inner toxins eating at them from their past, are not the greatest to go through a divorce with. I am child of divorced parents. I am a child of a mother who divorced five times. I have seen divorce, many times and all in different ways.
Looking back now, I completely understand why he was terrified of her. I have grown to be scared of this woman as well! Did we meet under the best circumstances? No. Was this good timing? No. However, we have grown to be each other's best-friend. I believe he was put on this Earth for me. He continues to make me a better person, as I know I do for him. It has taken months for him to grieve, re-build who he is, and above all else; trust.
I have been labeled as an "adulterer", "the mistress", "ass-[name]", "c**t", "whore", ect. I have been told I "stole" my husband away and I am a "home wrecker". All names I used to take so personally because it hurt! Yes, these names hurt!
The old elementary saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" I would laugh at. Those words were eating at me. I wanted to scream to the world how wrong these people were! Why? Because I knew the truth and I wanted everyone else to know the truth! I knew I wasn't any of those awful names. I knew I was better and I knew I was sincerely helping a friend in need.
I have asked myself time and time again, "Wouldn't anyone help someone who was being abused?" My answer has always been "yes". Many people jump up and down over children and women being in an abusive relationship, but the minute a man is in one, the tables turn. I'll save that rant for another blog post.
Anyways, I know I am none of these things. It has taken me some time to just ignore the chatter. I know I am successful. I know my morals are good and I know my intentions were good. Did I know I was going to meet the love of my life during this time? I sure didn't, but I am extremely thankful I did!!
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